Control

One of the challenges that we are facing globally right now is the perception of losing “control” over the things that just last week were within our command.  Anxiety can result from the feeling that if you don't manage to control the outcome of future events, something terrible will happen. So much of our daily routine gives us the feeling that we are in control of what happens to us because the actions and outcomes of our daily events are familiar and predictable.  In times of stress, psychologists suggest that maintaining a routine provides a sense of safety and security.  When things are changing daily as they are now, our routine is disrupted and we are more vulnerable to feeling anxious.  If someone had told us that we had 2 weeks to work from home if we chose to, I’m sure we would embrace that as an exciting time and possibly even an opportunity to try something new.  When we are told however that we “have” to stay home and we “have” to avoid public places, we feel a sense of despair as our choices have been taken away. The “control” of having the choice to do something completely changes our perspective of the same event.  The only thing that we do have control of in these situations is our thoughts and our perspectives.  When you reflect on this word today, be aware of the thoughts that are driving the anxiety that you are feeling.  Do you feel that you are being forced into staying home and not going to places that you are used to going to?  Or do you look at this as a new opportunity to be more connected with your family and to do things that you did not have the time to do when you were immersed in a busier schedule?  We sometimes offer children a choice of 2 things that they have to do (e.g., would you like to do your math homework first or your reading homework now?)  We are still asking them to do an activity but by providing the choice of what they would like to do first, we are giving them a feeling of control.  There is an interesting chapter in the book “The Happiness Advantage” by Shawn Achor called the Zorro Circle.  According to the story, as Zorro is training to fight with a sword, his instructor draws a small circle on the ground and instructs Zorro to fight only within the small circle. As he masters control of the small area, then he moves forward into larger areas and greater feats. If you limit your focus to small, manageable goals that you can obtain, you can then expand your power to deal with larger goals.  We can start at the smallest level – our thoughts – and gain control over them during these uncertain times.

My Reflections:

2 Challenges

• When I turn on the news or social media, I am bombarded with messages of more restrictions.  Each perceived loss of control and freedom leads to uncertainty and anxiety and at this time, I feel like I am constantly surrounded by this news.
• Today was the first day that my children had to start their distance learning - it was challenging to complete my work while helping them control what they needed to do.

2 Positives

• My younger son independently created his own daily schedule to help him structure his day and then followed it when I couldn’t always help him with his work.
• There was time in our afternoon to turn off screens and nap/read books.  We all felt more relaxed and refreshed after this break.

What can I do differently tomorrow to build control?

• I will try to limit my circle and reduce my exposure to television and social media tomorrow.  If I feel uncertain about a new restriction, I will remind myself to reframe the situation and ask how I would feel if I was the one making this choice instead of the perception that this choice is being made for me. 

Your Reflections:

2 Challenges

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2 Positives

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What can you do differently tomorrow to be build control?

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